RTT: Squish It

Lately my son hasn’t been flushing the toilet. He thinks it makes sense to not flush when he knows he’ll be going again soon. Oh, ok. Then it must also make sense that I’m coated in his yellow joy when I get up in the dark and fall in, because he not only didn’t flush but left the seat up? Brilliant.

I bought a pair of Spanx the other day. They’re sized by height and weight. Apparently if you’re at the borderline, you should size up. Well, I thought, no way! I’m sizing down so I’m squished even smaller! Yeah well, I can’t even get them on.

Sometimes when I’m lying in bed I look across the room and see my dreamcatcher, and I think I should just stick my whole damn head in there.

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