A Ban on Bathroom Bibliophiles

What is wrong with you people?

Reading in the bathroom. That’s gross. Gross, I tell ya.

How do you do it? Why do you do it?

I can not do it, and I am appalled at those of you who can.

Who wants to sit in a cloud of their own filth for one second longer than you must?

Get in. Get out. Get over it.

And do not ever expect me to read anything that has entered the confines of the pooping place.

It is now deemed a level 5 contaminant, and can not be removed from the bathroom unless safely contained within a bio-hazard waste receptacle.

I’m warning you. I get schizzy about sh*t.