Stare Like You Just Don't Care

(This is blog round 2, most of you know that. In round 1, I wrote about my mom. I think she still loves me.)

You know you do it; you totally watch other people, but I'll bet you don't know how to do it the way my mother does it.


Stare like your life depends on it. Give it everything you've got and do not, I repeat do not EVER break eye contact.

If your target repeatedly breaks and reengages eye contact with you, that just means you're doing it right. Continue to stare, stare, stare and stare.



When a snippet of neighboring conversation piques your interest, do not be subtle about joining into their conversation.

Do not make insubstantial posture adjustments to try and catch bits and pieces.

You must turn a full 180 degrees, look directly into the speaker's eyes, tune into their conversational frequency and hold your ground.




And finally, when a stranger's carriage, features, or mannerisms warrant immediate scrutiny (to my mother this would be a tattoo, body piercing, cleavage, Crayola colored hair, or flashy clothing)...

Meet the offender's gaze with your finest expression of disbelief, amplify the moment for everyone within earshot with an exclamatory, "Oh my heavens!", and instantaneously wheel around to your companion and initiate the debriefing process.

It is absolutely imperative that the stranger is fully cognizant that he or she is being discussed.


This is my mother's world, a world I live in.

Let me out.